Meet the Walking Contradiction

A mischievous and playful colossus, bluepanjeet hold a certain conviction in life, that “sometimes” there are no space for absolutes like yes or no, naughty or nice and black or white. He considers everything in the light of every cause and in the shades of every reason, of course in the light of faith. bluepanjeet sees himself as a walking contradiction to all prevailing standards and prejudices of the society and of the world towards race, religion and basic human rights.

His inspiration in writing comes from his ordinary experiences in life in which he dig extraordinary lessons and reflections. He considers John Paul II the Great, Raniero Cantalamessa, Bo Sanchez, Letty Jimenez Magsanoc, Conrado de Quiros, Henry JM Nouwen, Mitch Albom and Richard Rohr as his major influences in his style of writing: simple, humorous, open-minded and sympathetic to human and divine concepts, yet firm, straightforward and sometimes satyrical to matters of morals, ethics and apologetics. Interspersed in his blog entries are life’s humor and irony, and a comical and satyrical approach to some stereotypical behaviors of the people around him and of his own

An apprehensive and reluctant writer, bluepanjeet is reaching out to a large number of blog readers and internet users, in order to inspire them with his experiences and thoughts about Catholic doctrine, faith, virtues, family and human values, destiny, mysteries, hope, human rights, the role of science in faith, human existence, life’s affirmative side and the scrutiny of everyday living. His ultimate goal (in life) is to discover his proper place in the greatest scheme of things in the eyes of the Omnipotent, Omniscient and Omnipresent God, struggling to keep the commitment of the doctrines of the “Rock”. And to impart to others what being “human” is all about through their respective heroism.

Journey with him as he uncovers the depths of the parodies of his own iceberg and that of the people he meet along the way, On The Wings Of His Dream

Getting the Gist

Hello World and Welcome to my TAPSILOG. I’m bluepanjeet your TAPSI Logger here in ON THE WINGS OF MY DREAM: Light and Shades In The Greater Scheme Of Things - Journey of a Walking Contradiction. My friends call me Army and I’m in my 30’s already, and currently residing in one of the provinces of Southern Tagalog, Philippines, the land of thousand colors. I’m a registered nurse by profession, ex-seminarian by choice and a trying hard blogger and web designer by force.

I had my grade school and high school in Southern Tagalog’s oldest catholic school and formed under the tutelage of the Daughters of Charity. I spent my college years studying Physical Therapy but later entered the seminary through the Order of Friars Minor Capuchin. Upon thorough discernment, I realized that I was not yet ready to live the life of the religious and filed for a permanent leave to give way for my discernment outside the formation. In 2001, I took a bachelor’s degree in Nursing for practical and vocational reasons.

I passed the Nursing Licensure Exam last June of 2004 and then took a Proficiency exam (IELTS) last October of that same year, which I also passed. After I got my license, I have been working in the nursing profession ever since. In April of 2005, I was included in the pool of University Faculty Members and was assigned as one of the level coordinators of the College of Nursing teaching primarily Anatomy and Physiology, Chemistry, Biology, Bioethics, Primary Health Care, Psychology, Philosophy and Various Medical and Surgical Nursing Subjects. I was also an in-house reviewer in the University for the 2006 Nursing Licensure Examinees.

I am currently reviewing for a major exam that would catapult my career in the near future. After the exam I am planning to continue my Master’s Degree majoring in either Medical Surgical Nursing or Psychiatric Nursing (Have not decided yet).

Aside from Blogging

Aside from blogging, I have numerous interests, which occupies most of my free time. I’m a tamed hedonist and a mild obsessive compulsive-slash-neurotic individual.

I am very fond of collecting comic books (Marvel and DC), action figures (X-Men, Transformers, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings and Masters of the Universe), wristwatches, key chains, liquors, books, DVDs, shades, baseball caps, perfumes, and yes Photographs. I want to learn the art of photography if only I have the right time and resources.

I’m also into outdoor activities such as Mountain Climbing and Trekking. I want to try bungee jumping and wall climbing when I finally lose some pounds. Gravity always pulls me down. They say, the bigger you are, the harder you fall.

In my most stimulated moments (emo that is) I strum my guitar until they break and sing my heart out till my jugular vein pops. I already wrote nine songs for the past seven years (quite lazy actually), and one of my songs won a grand prize inside the seminary (there was no prize, just recognition).

I am also fond of dogs, dolphins, eagles and tigers. Well I have two pet dogs, Mielle (a lazy but cuddly brown and white beagle) and Halle Bury (a pitched black pitbull). In case you ask, I gave Halle the surname of “Bury” instead of her name sake “Berry” because once she jumps all over you, she’ll surely “bury” you in her arms as she licks your face entirely with slime. About the dolphins, eagles and tigers, well the environmentalists wouldn’t let me keep them as pets.

In my laziest period, I try to surf the web and read the day’s news. Or when I’m in my highs, I buy tons of books and reading materials just to keep my left hemisphere running. And yes, FHM and Maxim is categorized as reading materials. I do believe that Malice depends on the level of maturity of the reader, seriously! I also do oil and pastel painting. My first painting was given to one of my favorite home for the aged institution. But I haven’t really seen my painting up against the wall of the institution. May be they decided to keep it in the garage instead.

Well I have a life and surely, it is not a boring one (except when I was alone for months here in our place). On a regular basis, I go out with friends all over, having few cups of coffee, beer, wine or anything that would spice up and prolong the conversation. I never liked going out on crowded places. I’m very shy and bashful in front of strangers and new acquaintances. I guess it is very conflicting if one who was over-exposed on the limelight during grade school and high school turned out to be the most timid of all party goers. I’m not a walking contradiction for nothing.

When I’m in the mood, I try to crack jokes, make silly stories, make fun of the politicians in their advertisements and criticize outrageous display of idiosyncrasies by TV personalities and game show contestants.

I am not all pure pleasure, I do the chores here in our house especially the special task of taking care of our garden, trimming the verge, and watering my mom and dad’s plants and ornamentals every morning and afternoon. I’m a certified blogger-slash-gardener. But when Im done with the plants, I also burn things up. I burn dried leaves; blank CD’s and even my eyebrows during the night.

And most important thing that I do aside from blogging is, I try to pray my breviary (religious term for prayer book) and rosary as often as possible. I read spiritual books and the gospels to counterbalance my secularism. I believe that man without a soul is dead. I reflect my life and relationships every night before I go to sleep. I cannot imagine myself squeezing everything in my schedule without the power of prayer. Don’t get me wrong, I am not a saint nor a fair weather faithful. I’m a sinner. 100% prodigal son to a surrogate, biological and heavenly father, but I know how to kneel and beg for mercy when I feel that every sin I make weighs me down to the dregs.

As of now, I am currently busy with my review for a major exam. I’m also trying to learn the art of amateur photography, flash making (macromedia), and jumping from a 100 story building without incurring a single scratch and fracture.

Preferences

Books? I read so many books but for me, this is the best, it melted the stone heart in me: “Tuesdays with Morrie” by Mitch Albom. Another book, which is definitely a page-turner is “We Neurotics: A Handbook for the Half Mad” by Bernard Basset, S.J the book is so damn good. It is still relevant today as it was 40 years ago. I also like the work of Richard Rohr, Henry Nouwen and Raniero Cantalamessa.

Movies? I am a self-confessed DVD addict: All Superhero movies, While You Were Sleeping, Lord Of The Rings Trilogy, Analyze this, Analyze that, Brotherhood of the Rose, Goonies, You’ve Got Mail, Brother Sun Sister Moon, Agnes of God, Crash, Stand By Me, Footloose, Forever Young, Back to the future, The 13th Floor, Big Daddy, Gladiator, Lethal Weapon, Die Hard, Along Came A Spider, Behind Enemy Lines, Enemy at the Gates, Pelican Brief, Ransom, Passion Of The Christ, Karol (JP II Story). The Exorcism of Emily Rose, The Fugitive, Phone Booth, The Cellular, Devil’s Advocate, Star Wars, Hannibal Trilogy, Bruce Almighty, Liar Liar, Lorenzo’s Oil, and movies with Sandra Bullock, Al Pacino, Alicia Silverstone, Jack Nicholson, Robert De Niro, Meg Ryan, Adam Sandler, Bruce Willis, Mel Gibson and Drew Barrymore in it.

Music? I’m Eclectic trying all spheres of musical genres. If it sounds good to my ears, then I will listen to it regardless of artist. However, my musical preference depends on my mood. Strange but true, when I’m in my lowest, I listen to rock and happy songs. But when I’m in my highs, I usually prefer soft or sentimental music! I am an active supporter of OPM songs and Liturgical songs. My current influences are WYD Soundtracks, Sponge Cola, Itchyworms and 6 Cycle Mind.

TV Shows? Friends, Grey’s Anatomy, House MD, Band of Brothers, Transformers, Justice League and Xmen cartoon series, 80’s cartoons, American Idol, CSI, Smallville, ESPN, Life On The Rock, and a bunch of 80’s TV series like McGyver, Quantum leap, Doogie Howser MD and Blue Thunder. Oh and yeah, Bubble Gang!

Sports that I love watching and playing? Basketball, Volleyball, Boxing, X-Games, Billiards, Tennis, Soccer, Hockey and NFL. I get bored watching golf.

The Pseudonym “bluepanjeet”

The pseudonym or pen name “bluepanjeet” is the name I use to identify myself here in the web. Panjeet, an exaggerated slang for “pangit” or ugly was originally a name given to my postulant director’s pet dog. He had this dog (I cannot remember the breed) with wrinkly skin and lousy appearance and he named it “panjeet”. My director who was nearing senility, confused and all, began to refer to me as “panjeet” I could have violently reacted back then because I really have no idea until now if it was my director’s term of endearment or a blatant sarcasm.

Anyhow, I was able to return the favor by calling his pet dog “scrotum” whenever he assigned me to feed the mutt. From then on, when he is not around, me and my brothers in the seminary call the dog “scrotum” as a way of getting even with my director’s weird name-calling. And because I was accustomed of being called as panjeet by my geriatric director (I’m just kidding, he is actually a friend of mine), I took the name with me when I voluntarily gave up my slot in the formation as a remembrance of the joy and hardships that I had in those four walls.

I used the name in signing up for an account in Yahoo. But after months of inactivity they shut down my account. Yahoo could not give me the same name so when I signed up for another account, I appended a word with it so that I could retain the name panjeet in my email address. I added “blue” instead of numerical appendages because blue is my favorite color and at that time I was literally blue. From then on, “bluepanjeet” has become my web name and pen name ever since.

Sad to say, my former classmate in Nursing used bluepanjeet in one of the nursing forums without my knowledge. That is why until now I cannot use my pen name in that certain forum because the administrators barred it. My classmate used the name in bashing other members in the forum as a prank. He admitted the felony a month before we graduated. What a waste.

Word Fascination

My fascination with words started at a very young age. When I was five years old, I used to watch English TV programs that occupied my childhood days. I was very fond of watching the Looney Tunes, Sesame Street and Saturday cartoons, and had memorized all of the dialogues and songs as the network rerun it repeatedly.

When I was in grade school, my first ever-public exposure was during my graduation in kindergarten where we had this spoof of Student Canteen and I was playing one of the hosts (I do not really remember if I was Eddie Ilarde or Jorge Javier). From then on, I was a regular performer in that very same stage where I once made my debut. Every year until high school, I compete with every contest the school held either by choice or by coercion.

A debater, slogan maker, impromptu speaker, host, actor, spelling bug, essayist, songwriter, a rapper, speech and vocal choir member, virtually everything that has got to do with words I was there at that stage competing, even in my most hesitant moments. But the limelight was not really my cup of tea. I never liked the experience of being at the center of attraction. That is why in my latter years in high school, I tried to resolve my conflict with the stage and just settled behind the curtains in every production we made.

Aside from the paradigm shift, I decided to join the campus org as a way of doing my share to the world while I’m in the background, but it was not my luck. I was already late because some of the members have already established their tenure in the paper and joining in was a remote possibility, at least for the campus org adviser. Ergo, instead of getting my way thru the org, I just simply contributed puzzles and trivia to the org..

Though a frustrated journalist at that time, I made my mark by replying to cute notes and love letters of girlfriends, crushes and friends. I saw my self as someone who is very fond of reading letters from friends and girlfriend. Up to now, the letters they gave me are still intact and kept safe in a shoebox.

The weird thing that my friends and girlfriend do not know is that, every time I read their letters; I had a pencil on my hand. Though I was emphatically reading them all in the heart, Yet I was also marking the papers for any wrong usage of words or grammatical errors they have written. Pressed in scented stationeries of various colors, I was editing their letters as if it was one of the articles submitted in the editorial staff. I did not really have the writer’s confidence up to now, that is why I practiced my way in the art of words by correcting other’s works. It was so nasty of me at that time.

There was one instance in college when my girlfriend and I celebrated our month-sary during Valentines Day; she noticed a lead mark in the greeting card she gave me earlier that day. She asked me about it and I told her that it was because that her card was beside my experiment book in zoology. When I hurried myself in finishing my assignment in order to catch time for our date that day, I accidentally scribbled my way through the card. She believed my clumsy excuse. From then on, I stopped my bad habit of correcting other people’s letters especially those coming from my girlfriend; I tell you, it was a narrow escape from imminent death.

If they knew before that I was correcting their letters, they would have burned me alive at the stake. But I never sent them the corrections because if I did, I could have ended up in the morgue with flower scented and pinkish stationeries clogged up in my nostrils.

The Blogging Incident

My blogging experience technically started in my capuchin formation inside the seminary. Upon our acceptance in the formation, we were required to submit our autobiography. By the word autobiography, my understanding was to write my entire life. Obedience counts a lot in the formation, so I did obey with a bit of exaggeration. I used a 100-leaf logbook and wrote my life on those blank pages. I was the last person to submit my autobiography after three grueling weeks. I incidentally gave my director a headache from reading my horrendous penmanship. Actually, my purpose in writing it big time was twofold: It was my first time to write about my life and that was a completely new thing for me, so I thought it would be a milestone to jot it down in a logbook. And the second purpose was to exhaust the attention span of my director so that he could not read between the lines any pertinent details of my life. But I met my match. He read it from cover to cover.

In my stay in the formation, I learned to jot down significant and insignificant things that happened to me. We were required to log on our experiences and reflections in our personal journals. In addition, for every chapter we finished in our class, there is a corresponding reflection paper to be submitted as a requirement. There were times when three reflection papers from three major subjects were due on the same day. It was hell on earth for my brothers in the formation, but for me, it was a blast. It was my way of releasing repressed and suppressed emotions inside me. I would write all the reflections that I had which pertains my current state and sometimes the result was a novel. This somehow gave my director and professors a hard time in reading my work. My reflection paper of Etchegaray’s execution and the Capital Punishment took 16 pages. But its all worth the effort. My director who slept three in the morning from reading my work gave me a 99% grade.

I remember vividly when my director told me that saints are canonized easily when they die a martyr’s death than living a holy life and his entire life written in words, only to be scrutinized by the church’s devil’s advocates. To put it plainly, the canonization process is prolonged by studying the books and written works of a saint because it has to be proven infallible of doctrinal errors. In my case, he was just telling me implicitly that I should not write extensively less he would endure many nights of astigmatism and migraines from reading my reflection papers. What a subtle way of telling me that he hates it when I write long reflection papers.

The red marks of my director on my reflection papers were frustrating at some point because I never thought that I would experience my bad habit of correcting other people’s letters in my very own work. And of all people, my director was the only one enjoying the frenzy. He literally painted my papers red. And I’m very sure that if he happens to read my blog right now, he would put little red marks all over this blog site if he only has the chance to do it. But those red marks were more of a blessing than a curse. I learned a lot from him and I thanked him up to this day that he did not give up on my horrible penmanship. I benefited from his teachings and I guess he made me taste my own medicine the hard way.

The Child Within

Im very much connected with my inner child. When I was in the formation, our priest and nun psychologist told me that the child within me is 5 years old. That explains why I am very fond of practical jokes, collecting comic books and watching superhero cartoons and idolizing people who have extraordinary abilities because of the “hero worship” behavior common to all preschoolers.

And Yes, I maybe childish at some point in my personality, but I prefer to be labeled as childlike. Childish and child like are two different things. Unbelievably, the first thing I would do inside a mall is to look for the toyshop and bookstores. I can resist buying all the wristwatch, shirts, shades, shoes and pants in a department store, but having a toy in front of my face is my personal kryptonite. Just like a 5 year old who cannot seem to stop annoying his mom and dad, just so they could buy him the toy he desperately wants, I for one cannot resist in buying the toy for my nephews and for myself.

When it comes to my humor, it is undeniably genetic. My parents and my siblings, including my relatives are all potent laughing gas. I guess I have included in my system the cracking of jokes and making people laugh or smile from time to time. In my most troubled times, in my most depressing moments, I could afford to make others happy, but the irony is, I can’t make myself to laugh at my own jokes. I think that is the curse of having the child within. Yet with all the problems and difficulties that the world placed on my shoulders, I can say that the burden was light when I make other people smile.

Every one of us has his own child within which helps us to look at life in a lighter perspective. They say that laughter is the best medicine and in order to have laughter, one must be genuinely happy. And sometimes happiness are contributed by the child within us. This child within makes our faces all lit up even in the most insignificant event, it keeps our feet grounded, it makes us smile from time to time and it helps us to become playful and giggly to every irony that transpires within our history. The child within us helps us to solve our problems in a manner of grace under pressure.

I may be turning 30 as of this writing. But in comparison to most people, I’m very young at heart. My 9 year old nephew once told me that if he would have another nanny, he would choose me. I laughed so hard that I almost choked to death. I asked him why and he replied, “Because you know how to play with kids like us. You know how to relate with us unlike other grown-ups. I hug him tight, kissed him on the forehead, and told him, “don’t worry, I will always be a child for you”.

Tip of the Iceberg

Sigmund Freud, the famous postulator of psychoanalysis made an analogy of the unconscious. He compared our mind to that of an iceberg. The conscious part according to him was the tip of the iceberg floating above the waters. While our unconscious and subconscious dwells underneath it, the iceberg, which is the human mind, is more than meets the eye. It is deeper than most of us thought that it is not.

My human formation experience made my life more interesting and meaningful. I began to take interest on the human behavior, its pitfalls and triumphs. I started to unveil my own unconscious behavior by constantly checking myself but it is a mere impossibility to uncover 100% of your unguarded mechanisms in a very short period. Actually it is a process. The human formation helped me a lot in knowing myself without the masks and pretensions but what was bothering me a few years back was the question of its universality. “How about those people who were not as fortunate as me to discover my true self through the help of the human formation?”

That question gave me the nudge to extend help to some people who are confused about themselves. I am not a psychology major nor am I an authority with psychology. But the constant bombardment of the human formation in my iron will and steel emotions were enough to make me human and understand its mechanism. Some say it is a gift, but for me it is a grace. That’s why as best as I could, I try to help people who doesn’t really understand themselves. And the understanding which my formators gave me when I was in my lowest in the seminary were enough to pay everything forward.

Discovering my own iceberg was quite difficult because it involves a lot of humility and acceptance of my own being.

In 1997, prior to my entrance in the seminary, our college psychologist gave me an MBTI (Myers Briggs Type Indicator) test upon my own request. MBTI is a personality test used by some career guidance counselor to help a person land on the right job according to the person’s temperament. In addition, MBTI personality tests are very accurate like that of the Rorschach Ink Blot Test. When the results were given to me, the psychologist explained that my temperament is INFJ and is fit for pastoral and educational work. I never made any detailed inquiry about my personality at that time.

In 2001, I took the test again and it showed the same result. In 2004, while having a break in my licensure review, again I took the same test and had the same results (again). In 2005, skeptic of someone because of my intuition that we have the same personality; I took the test again with different set of questions and again resulted the same personality.

My INFJ personality is very complex. It is an Iceberg in the vast wide space of an ocean. Most of the time people tried to get to know me intimately and when they thought that they have known my temperaments, they start to assume things about me. And to their dismay, they realized in the end that they never really knew who I am.

My personality belongs to the less than 2% of the entire human population. Rare indeed as you may add. That is why; people often take interest of me because of the mystery that surrounds me. I never had the guts to tell people who I really am because most of the time, they never understood what I’ve been through or what Im going through for that matter. I should proudly claim that I’m a walking contradiction as nature dictated.

As much as I want to tell you who I really am, but I can’t. Not because I don’t want to, but because it would take a hundred years just to get a glimpse of the real “Army” behind “bluepanjeet”. Even I cannot sometimes understand myself, how much more if I tell you all the details, my cans of worms and warts and all? Yet, not to be selfish and all, I tried so hard to let you have a peek of the “author”. Though it took me a while to fully verbalize what’s really inside the “walking contradiction”, yet what I’ve written here is the closest thing you’ll ever get in knowing me. Read on and dive deeper underneath my Iceberg.

Beneath the Tip of the Iceberg

My personality and identity is a mystery to all of you, I know, I get that a lot. But just to let you have an Idea of why I have made this blog, here is my personality profile so as you may know the man behind every blog entries you read.

Click the thumbnail to read my personality profile.

Being human

I was once a very idealistic person. There’s no room for mercy, only justice. I always run my life according to the book, No room for mistakes, just have to be perfect in everything I do. But in my metamorphosis, I saw that the world is not made of absolutes, of choices between the color of black and white, the answer of yes or no or a battle between good and evil. I saw that there are more reasons behind in every triumph and downfall. And in my journey in life, I saw that there are shades of gray which lies in between of every contrasts.

What Im talking about is not about color, conviction nor taking sides between two opposing force. My point exactly is that, in life, there should be enough space for understanding of the human dynamics. The human behavior is so complex that even psychology is not enough to understand its mechanisms. Our psyche is as mysterious as our purpose and existence in life. Thus, to say that one behavior is finite and absolute, and lacks cause is not being human at all.

Being human is acknowledging one’s faults, taking strides to better one self the next time it happens. Being human is being observant of the things happening around you, and able to recognize the cause and effect of every decision made. Scrutinizing every event that happens and affirming every blessing gained. Being vulnerable to pains and hurts, shedding tears, laughing joyously or in a gist, acknowledging every emotion as it happens to you and your peers. For me that is being human.

Inhuman as I once was, yet I have learned so many things in my short journey. And this is what I want to impart to everyone I meet along my traversals; that being human is a blessing and a great achievement. Some people die without even knowing and experiencing what being human is all about. Here in my TAPSILOG, you will witness how I, a mere human being gets happy when every thing’s okay, gets angry when provoked or abused, gets satirical when irked and exhausted from repeated political issues, gets emphatic and sympathetic in the midst of human suffering, and gets sarcastic in the presence of apathetic and indifferent cyborgs.

I did not go global in the net to prove something worth of praise nor do intend to show the world how perfect I am and what I’m made of. Parodoxically, I am here to show the readers my weaknesses and my mistakes, my happiness and pains, my humor and my irony. I am here to prove the world that its okay to get angry, that its okay to get hurt, its okay to laugh at something so stupid, that its alright to cry from time to time and that its okay to be human 24/7 of our remaining lives, as long as we are not stepping on anyone’s rights and sensitivities. Like you, I’m striving to be human amidst the world of gadgetry and technological preoccupation. We are so absorbed with what the world offers that sometimes we forget that we are not made of iron and steel, sprockets and bolts. We are human flesh, made and created by the God whom we adore and worship, whatever the name we call HIM.

It takes just one person to show the world that it is okay to be human. I am here to be a walking contradiction, “fully human fully alive” (St. Irenaeus).

On The Wings Of My Dream

Since I left the formation in 2001, I have made my adjustment in the secular world. and from thereon, I have made my mark. I was once miserable when I voluntarily left the seminary for reasons that are familial and personal in nature, and of which I cannot disclose to you, but God has been so good to me that he taught me the virtue of patience and docility amidst the chaos outside my seminary security. My experience outside those walls, or to say the least, living here in the secular world with all you, has been a challenge to my personal comfort zone. My principles which I established inside my formation seemed to crumble due to peer pressure and society’s dictation. But one morning I woke up. I realized that there is no need to surrender everything I have worked for (my faith, my conviction my beliefs) just to fit in with most people who shun the thought that living religiously and piously in the secular world wouldn’t work. From that one morning of realization until today, I never gave up the fight. Before I was afraid to try to live integrating my faith and the world. But I made strides, one step at a time, and from then on, I have achieved my goal. I showed people that one can attend mass and at the same time have fun with friends in coffee bars. Some people have this idea that becoming pious is to isolate oneself from the world. A complete paradox of what we saw in Jesus. Jesus was with the sinners, with tax collectors, prostitutes and with all of the society’s outcasts. He was able to socialize with all of them without compromising his own beliefs, faith and mission. Jesus became the walking contradiction to the Pharisees and Sadducees standards. And this is my point really. In today’s world, society always isolate religion from secularism where in fact in some aspects, secularism serves religion. It is the bridge where people come to meet other people and in time, come to meet his faith and God. Without secularism, religion cannot achieve its mission in evangelization. and without religion, secularism is an empty world, an existence without meaning. That is why both compliments each other. And this is my story. living my faith in the world outside of the comfort zone of religious life and pursuing my dream in the light and hsdes of things, but in a world amongst sinners like me, struggling to be faithful with the Word and with the doctrines passed and revealed to St. Peter 2000 years ago by Christ himself. You may think that this is for catholics only, but it isnt. Like the apostles who reached out to the gentiles, I for one would like to reach out with our brothers and sisters of different faiths. to bridge understanding, to bridge gaps and to establish mutual respect. Because everything boils down into one - Christian, Jews, Moslems and any other religions, we only have one God who differs only by the name we call Him.

A Simple Dream

I dream big, but I start from small steps. I look at the big picture, but begin with the tiniest of all details. I do extraordinary things in the ordinariness of all events. Like Francis of Assisi and Martin Luther King before me, I have a dream, a simple and small dream.

I dream of becoming someone of service to my fellowmen. Though limited and often held by my own whims and caprices, humanness, flaws, warts and all, I’m striving to make my journey a meaningful and fruitful one. I try to make my dream inside and not outside of the world I am living in. My dream is simple, insignificant to others and trivial to some, but I dare take the leap against the flow the society’s standards.

This blog is the start of a bigger dream in an effort to make a difference in the world and its inhabitants.

The day will come, when my dream will all come to pass, and lying in my death bed, I will breathe my last, donned in the brown garb which I aspire the most.

In the Greater Scheme of Things

As I journey here with you on the net, Im currently looking for my own niche, a niche where brotherhood and ecumenism would abound. A niche where humanity is glorified in the shadow of the God who created us all. Sometimes there are imperfections, most of the time there are satire and mockery of the things happening around me, but what matters most is to know your place in the hands of fate, destiny or serendipity for the hopeless romantics.

Like some of you, sometimes I am tired of my journey, too weary to go on, when oftentimes disappointments abounds more than expectations. But life is a constant bombardment of hidden purpose and meanings. It takes a little effort and conviction to discover the richness of the life we have and the life in the next.

I quit easily, but I never give up in looking for other possible and realistic alternatives. My life is not different from yours. We all have this sense of belongingness and somehow along the way, we would find what we are looking for. Some people have already found their place in the world, whether as a married man/woman or single individual, a physician or a janitor or just simply a man or woman contented with his/her life. But in some level, no matter how settled we are all are, there is this little tickle that trigger us to look for our real place here on earth. Man is by nature a searcher.

As we all search for our purpose in life, journey with me, the Walking Contradiction, here On The Wings Of My Dream, as I look my place in the Light and Shades of the Greater Scheme of Things.

Welcome to my TAPSILOG (Transcribed Audio-visual Psycho-Spiritual Integration Log)