The Story Behind

It started as a dream

My journey online started when I got my first ever PC way back in 2002. I never studied formal computer education; in fact, I hated computers during High School (we were still using wordstar then and lotus and the “autoexec-point-bat” thing). I remember that I use to make fun of my computer teacher because I was so bored with her class. I even read the entire “exodus” experience of Moses as a prayer just to kill time (It is a completely different story I tell you).

But when I got my first PC, I never slept at regular intervals for 6 months. I was practically figuring things out and learning the ins and outs of windows. After 6 months, I mastered Windows XP, the Internet, PC Games and Office XP. After that, I got bored in my free time so I taught myself of Adobe Photoshop. After three months, I was able to learn the software. While editing wallpapers, I soon realized that I could use it in my presentation in school. So I borrowed a scanner, scanned all of our photos and enhanced it with Photoshop.

When I was surfing the net, I got lost at the tripod ring. I noticed that most of websites in tripod were personal websites so I got the idea of posting our family pictures in the web, but I was not contented with the free tools it offered so I started teaching myself Microsoft frontpage. After seven months I was able to finish an entire website. But I did not published the site because It was too large to upload via frontpage FTP (I was still in dial up way back), so I saved my work for opportunities in the near future. I made a simple two-page teaser website, which I launched in angelfire. The website was that of our batch in the seminary (click here to view the website). From then on, I started to acquire new learnings from the web. The dream of learning new things out of resourcefulness was achieved.

The very first test website that i made in 2003 but was never published. click for larger view.

The Friendster Blog

My personal blog was my online journal and was originally published on the Friendster Blog since 2005. From the original title of “Beneath the Tip of the Iceberg”, I changed it to “Light and Shades: Beneath the tip of the Iceberg”. But I felt it still needed some modification so I changed it to something dynamic. This time I appended “In The Greater Scheme of Things” to give it a sense of motion, as if it was a continuous journey. “Beneath the Tip of the Iceberg” became its sub heading. And because of constant evolution, I finally made up my mind of changing it to the current title: ON THE WINGS OF MY DREAM: Light and Shades in the Greater Scheme of Things; Journey of a Walking Contradiction (Uninhibited Views. Different Hues. Insatiable Urge. Parodies Beneath the Tip of the Iceberg).

I was a run of the mill blogger way back then, maybe because I always have this reluctance to share my life on the worldwide web. As a very private person, I am very conscious of the consequences it might bring to my private life and the prejudice of the readers, which may add to the injury. I did not intend to sensationalize every thing that has been happening on my life whether ordinary or extraordinary. I thought no one was reading my blog so I continued to scribble my way in the keyboard. I wrote some aspects of my life that have struck me the most during my day. Nevertheless, unknown to me, there were a few handful of my friends who read my blog, began complimenting me, and told me how they were able to relate with my experiences. I continued my blog as if no one was reading it until the compliments flooded my messages in friendster. Reading the messages of my friends about my recent blog somehow touched my “missionary side” and gave me the chance to shift my perspective concerning my private life. I realized that the mere fact that I was writing on a public domain, gives me no right to withhold my journal from the reading public.

I soon became conscious of the things I would write on my blog. I started to generalize and at the same time specify my style in order for others to relate. From then on, instead of surfing the net with meaningless goal, I soon embarked on a mission, an apostolate in order to help other people in understanding the meaning of being human, their everyday heroism and what they are going through in relation to my personal experiences and thoughts about the people around me. My blog became my channel in releasing my vented tensions of my desire to constantly communicate with other people. My readers grew in the small circle of my friendster’s list.

Getting Out Of The Shell

The realization to go out of my shell in friendster commenced because of a certain fortunate accident. I began looking for groups that are within my interest. I joined the group of former and present seminarians and bonded with them on the forum. I read so many questions about vocations so I tried to answer one of them without complicating things. I soon got many responses and follow-ups from that group until some of the members asked me to share my views and experiences inside the seminary. I became so at home with the group that I started establishing an “online rapport”, until I befriended Felmar, an SVD theologian, who happens to be a fellow blogger.

He soon invited me to view his website and blog. I was amazed how many people have read his blog despite the fact that it is based on matters of faith and vocation. I admired how he writes his blog with august simplicity, and that he has touched so many lives around the world just by typing his thoughts and experiences remotely from his computer. His work gave me an inspiration to get out of my own shell and somehow made me reflect on whether I am ready to blog not just for my friends and me but also to all the people in the world. My numerous hours in front of my computer was very self serving and I realized that like Felmar, I can do more of my time for the benefit of others.

On the Edge

In my days of thinking and decision-making, Kip, a fellow blogger from Singapore, sent me an encouraging message through one of my post in friendster blog. She is not a Filipino but somehow got the gist of what I have written there even if some of the words are in tagalog (my native tongue). Starla, a Fil-canadian, who also read my blog, gave a pleasant comment. Their encouragements made me decide that I need to get out of the friendster blog and reach a bigger number of readers. Therefore, I started creating a blog outside my home blog. My original intention was just to use it as a satellite blog for my posts in friendster because I do not want to leave that “hell hole”. Until another fortunate accident happened.

I searched google for a free blog site and found a number of hosts, which did not satisfy my whims. I was looking for a host that can be user friendly and at the same time offers modification of the design. Every time I sign up for an account, I always get disappointed because I have this idea of how my blog would turn out just like what I have in mind, but most of the blog hosts were limited, so I gave up and decided to just link my friendster blog to other existing blogs in the net. I came across with a community-based blog and found a site full of blogger.

A Friend From Afar

It is there that I found Jaypee Online. I was not really used in commenting on other’s blog because no one did reply on my own comments in the friendster blog. But it was an unguarded moment. I just typed in my thoughts. And after an hour or so, the author, Jaypee replied to my post. I studied his blog and found out that he was using wordpress so I tried to sign up for one. When I made my blog in wordpress, I finally found what I was looking for. But to my dismay, like the other free blog host, the design and theme modification was limited. I then sent an inquiry to Jaypee via his contact form and to my surprise; he once again sent his reply. He soon helped me in looking for a server that would host my very own blog. In my desperation, I found none. But Jaypee made all things possible. He gave me this link of free host and then the rest was history.

Jaypee was very instrumental in the creation of this blog. From the smallest details, he was with me in answering and troubleshooting all of the web issues. From html codes, javascript, plugins, css, php, to my hesitancy of going online, Jaypee was there to answer all of it. But the good thing about Jaypee was that he is not a spoon feeder. He doesn’t just give you the answer. He lets you learn your way in and way out of every situation and lets you do everything according to your desire. He gave me options and somehow his advices were more of a nudge, in order for me to think outside the box. If only I have no title for my blog, I will surely name it as “Jaypee’s Memorial Blog”, as if I was naming a high school after a local hero.

Finished Business. When I started my own blog on February of 2007, I have no domain name. I was forced to sign up in different free domain name programs just to cover my server’s domain name which sounded like a porn site. For five months I was being hosted by freehostia smoothly but on the fifth month glitches began to appear. During peak hours (western time zone), my blog cannot be accessed because of the heavy usage of internet in the US. This became a problem because only during that time (Evening in the Philippines) do I access my blog for updates. Another problem was the SQL limit of freehostia was too small. In layman’s term, the more I post entries, pages and comments in my blog, the more the limit shrunk. I was aware that the remaining limit on my SQL would only take a month and a half before it finally consumed and OTWOMD™ would definitely stop existing. So I was planning to buy a webhosting service but some of them were too expensive for me to even try. Until in my PBS yahoo group, someone told me that PagePH, a Philippine based internet company is sponsoring sites for free with no advertisment of whatsoever. So I applied for a sponsor site and my blog was approved. With that I purchased a domain name for my site, bluepanjeet.net. It was a dream come true having my own domain name on the web. Now that I have my own domain name, my solid, liquid and gas fans club (kip is the president) could easily remember the web address. The mission is just getting started and I think there’s no need to rush things over. Anyway, good intentions last for a lifetime.

The Title

The title and subheadings of my blog is quite long, I know. It is like an impending warning to the readers that what they will read is actually a novel in the guise of a blog. But most of the phrases and words of the title and subheadings are taken from my favorite songs.

“On The Wings Of My Dream”

I have always been fascinated with flying and with wings. It somehow made me feel that there is always a space for possibilities, for yearnings and for dreams to come true. Most of my favorite songs has the words “fly” or “wings” in them. The original title was very far from the present title. But in my journey here online, I realized that the title of my blog should somehow say what I wanted in life, what I earnestly wish for and what I really am in front of the people who truly know me with no pretensions and masks of whatsoever. The title should somehow represent my deepest yearnings in life, so after so many changes and consideration, I finally settled in with the present title which says everything about me. The title came from a favorite song of mine which I never heard for so many years, only until now when I searched for it in limewire. The phrase “On The Wings Of My Dreams” came from the lyrics of “Nothing’s Gonna Stop Me Now” by David Pomeranz and was recorded as a theme for an ABC sitcom titled “Perfect Strangers”. I used to watch the sitcom when I was a kid. Its all about two cousins living in Chicago: one came from a very far country and one is working on the City. The gist of the series was about reaching one’s dream. And now, after thirty years of existence, some of my dreams were finally fulfilled, and some have not yet come to pass. So it is on my dreams that this blog got its name.

“Light and Shade”

Light and Shades is actually a favorite song of mine performed by Fra Lippo Lippi. I used to play it during my jamming with friends and unbelievably, (I’m really going to say this), It’s always the first song that I choose whenever I sing in videoke bars. Actually if only songs can have diseases, the song “Light and Shade” would definitely acquire cancer of the throat.

The lyrics very much pertains to my temperament, my personality and to what I had actually gone through in life. So I guess, when you want something to be of special value to you, you have to name it after a significant song or phrase.

Aside from the song, the subtitle “Light and Shade” reflects my conviction in life (which I learned from my mentor in the seminary) that there are no absolutes. You may answer a question yes or no, but there will always be hesitancy in between. You may consider someone good or evil, but there will always be a tinge of goodness in every evil person, and a little notoriety in a good man. Or when someone chooses between the colors of black and white, there is a gray shade in between to cushion the pressure of option.

The world is full of mystery, and to box everything according to the society’s standard is very much of a prejudice to people and the things that they are going through. There will always be a cause in every effect. And that cause should be understood not in the light of the action, but on the factor that triggered such action.

I quote from the song, “die everyday to be free”

“In The Greater Scheme of things”

It came from the song “Pilgrim’s Theme” by the Jesuit’s Bukas Palad Ministry written and composed by Manoling V. Francisco (the one who wrote all the songs that you sing during Mass).

My life came to a point where I was totally lost. I don’t know what I wanted in life and where to go for that matter. I was so exhausted in searching for my niche until all became clear when I saw a mysterious hand guiding me in my journey. There and then, I realized that I was still on the process of looking for my place in the world I am living in.

Some people spend their entire life, wandering, but the truth is, they have already found their place, but they never stayed for long to see what is in store for them. That is why like most of you, I am still looking for my niche in this vast wide mystery we call “The Greater Scheme of Things”

“Journey of a Walking Contradiction”

Again it also came from my favorite song by Greenday entitled “Walking Contradiction”

When I was a kid, I knock everything out of my path: vases, figurines, toys, picture frames, glass filled with water, and yes, children like me. Everything that I did before was a mistake or let’s just say, it was what I initially thought of myself. But I found out that I never did agree nor conform with the society’s standards in some level. Though you might assume that I am anti social, well I am not!

I’m just a person who thinks independently and never been influenced by the general public nor my closest allies when it comes to matters of morals, ethics, faith and values. My journey in discovering the light and shades in the greater scheme of things is actually a contradiction itself.

That is why I stood up for what I was before and up to now, a living and walking contradiction.

“Uninhibited Views”

Though I am very apprehensive and hesitant when it comes to showing off my work, nevertheless, my views and opinions are uninhibited, uncompromised and very free of what others might think of me. I say what I wanted to say without stepping on other’s sensitivities. But you cannot please everybody. There should always be someone, who should stand up and speak, so that the person might hear what others are afraid of telling him. It takes one person with sincerity and conviction to change a man, or the world for that matter, at least in the world where he lives.

“Different Hues”

I took this subheading from the lyrics of “Kaleidoscope World” performed by Francis Magalona and later revived by the Akafellas. This song is very true to everybody. Amidst our own concerns, our own endeavors and opinions, we should always consider the other side of our own colors. There are people out there who does not live in our “ownâ€? world, yet they are entitled to be acknowledged and accepted and of their own rights. My blog is for all people, for all color and race, for all religion, no matter what lifestyle and status they have in their personal lives.

“Insatiable Urge”

I am a mild case of obsessive-compulsive behavior. I have a tendency to be obsessed with anything that relates to my interests and frame of thinking. That explains why I put so much effort in things that I want to accomplish or collect everything I could as if I am establishing my own museum. Writing has been my obsession for quite some time now, and the insatiable urge to put my mind in words has definitely consumed me. Though oftentimes my well runs dry and the slate becomes blank, I still manage to steal a little bit of motivation from the lives of people around me, and of my own as they happen.

“Parodies beneath the tip of the Iceberg”

I took the “Iceberg” analogy from that of Sigmund Freud were he compared the human mind to such. Like our unconscious and subconscious mind, my personality is as deep as the iceberg. No one knows really how deep I can be or how shallow I may become, but my point exactly is, that I myself don’t even know the mystery within me.

My personality belongs to the less than 2% of the entire human population, and knowing myself took me a while to accept it. Let’s just say that people who doesn’t know me that well, often makes false assumption of me and that the people who already knew me still fails to catch my outer dynamics. I sometimes fail to understand even my very own self. But nevertheless, there is an excitement in it. To discover everyday what I have and what I’m capable of is truly an awesome experience. Trying new things and learning new stuff is an adventure in and out of myself.

My blog entries are parodies of my own Iceberg. It is the closest expression of my mysterious self.

The Image

The image is a collage of different photos. In the header image is a man standing on top of a big slab of rock and facing St. Peter’s Basilica with showers of light shining down from the sky. On the foreground is a man in a white shirt with wings and glowing with light. The Vatican represents one of my dreams in life. It somehow sums up everything I dreamed for. The light emanating from the sky represents Divine providence which is very evident in every stage of my personal history. The Man on top of the rock is in a posture of total surrender to his Creator and an oblation of thanksgiving for the gift of Life. The rock which the man stands on represents the Pope and Church, in which he stand firmly on the foundations of his faith. He believes that nothing can stop him from reaching his dreams if he is grounded to the teachings of the Church and firmly established his Faith in God. The rock also represents his firm convictions in life, his determination to live and succeed against all odds. The Man with wings glowing in light represents the child-like, childish and mischievous side of me. It somehow shows the readers my joyful and mischievous personality, illuminated with light which somehow lights up other peoples lives who lurks and crawl in the darkeness.

Below is the evolution of the header banner since the blog’s conception in 2005.

The Theme

TAPSILOG
Transcribed Audio-Visual Psycho-Spiritual Integration Log

“On The Wings Of My Dream” is all about my deepest dreams and yearnings, my personal experiences and observation of my own behavior, that of my peers, and the world around me as it happens everyday. The blog’s approach is an ordinary narrative embellished with audio and video clips, which can somehow spice up the mood of the readers as they go through the “Light and Shade” experience.

Most of the entries here generally tackle the humorous side of life (Light) and the Irony (Shades) that comes with it and their connection with my dreams and yearnings in life. It is written in various forms depending on my treatment with the topic. Some are dealt in blatant satire, others are treated in a serious manner while most of the time, humor (at its best) is interspersed in some lines along the entries.

The topics of every entry are generic: personal experiences, national issues, medicine, the world wide web, human behavior, current events, entertainment, arts, culture, Filipino traditions, beliefs, folklores, anecdotes, bliblical passages, events, occasions, human interests and problems, problems and problems of the heart (which always interests the sentimental fools and hopeless romantics). But what is extraordinary in the ordinariness of every topic is the realization of meaning and lessons of life wrapped in the analogy of the topic being narrated, which every reader could relate in terms of their personal histories.

“On The Wings Of My Dream” has a threefold purpose:
1. a personal blog
2. a psycho-spiritual medium where every human experience can relate
3. and a catalyst for personal modern day heroism of ordinary people

This blog revolves around the psychological phenomenon of every human psyche and the spiritual enlightenment that comes with it. Every human experience is at the depths of the individual’s inner self and somehow it has something to do with the spirit. The physical and the spiritual plane of man cannot be dissected nor isolated from each other. It is always complimenting one another. Thus in every psychological dynamics of the human being comes a spiritual awakening of the human soul.

“It is when the heart speaks, the mouth shuts, and the mind begins to listen!”

The Johari Window

The Apostolate

This blog is my personal apostolate and mission. It is non-profit and non-commercial. Although there are personal advertisements of what interests me, yet behind every promotion is a principled agenda of promoting the good for the benefit of others.

I always ask myself, since I am not any more a candidate to actively serve the church, what in my limited means could I serve my fellowmen and my Church… so I came up with this. I’m not Superman, I’m not even a person who has all the riches and influences of the world. I am just an ordinary citizen, a member of the church, who like you, struggles with everyday life just to make a difference in the world. In my limited power flows the strength of will and spirit to be a hero in my own right, along with all of you, in the greater scheme of things…

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